i exist i exist i exist i exist i exist i exist i hope.
i remember it was my 7th birthday, i didnt want to go to school, so i kept trying to fall over and get hurt. i didnt think i could fake being ill because i was always more mature than my peers, had a brighter future, cared more about school. so i couldnt lie. perhaps after this, and perhaps before, i was always a quiet child. i was content with everything like seaweed. i grew up like this; spending hours at the swimming pool supporting my sister and doing everything around her timetable (i dont resent her at all, only my parents who shouldve helped me have a childhood) i was so passive i could never do anything by myself, i had no friends of my own or maybe i did but i was never content, and they all left me anyway. i was so quiet and alone and then i think i first started feeling depressed in year 5/6 when all my 'friends' moved on from me. of course i did nothing to try to get them to stay. i dont remember much of my childhood which doenst matter much -as i said before it was spent mostly around family or at events for my sister- but i do know that my dad was never around for much of it. maybe he would take me to movies sometimes. one time i remember, i couldnt wait to build some lego i had bought a few days prior, so i woke up at about 5-6am and went downstairs to look for it, but then my dad came downstairs to go to owrk. but he didnt get angry at me, he just let me build my lego in the dining room and said goodbye to me and i love him so so so so much even though he was at work for most of my life and i barely show it and i know he thinks i dont like him but i cant blame him for not ever being there he was just working from when i woke up to when i went to sleep.
